You try to come back for me. You want me to be yours. When we were together we didn’t care about anything but ourselves. You made all the doubt go away. As a team we were unstoppable. We made everyone laugh, we made them think we had not a care in the world. We felt euphoric. The not being like others went away and we made them see how we were just as good. At first It was our goal to get others to come along because we didn’t want to just have all this fun alone. When they started to leave us we just made the best of it and we kept each other entertained. Countless nights of making ourselves feel better. We didn’t need them anymore anyway, we had each other.
Remember when it had to stop between us? Remember how we kept hearing that we had gone too far? All the fun was ending. I had to leave you to save myself. All I had grown to know was us but somehow I lost me.
I hear you calling me. Sometimes I can go for days with only a faint reminder. But never a day goes by that I don’t hear you. It gets louder and more prevalent through their voices. The ones that liked us better. The ones that know you too and want to share in the feelings we once had. Because it’s bliss. Most of them, they still have control over you. They are the alpha in the relationship. But you and I, we found out that I liked it much better when you took control. Because seeing through you made me appear better to the self that was without you.
The discipline can be deceived. Your power has played tricks on my mind. But I somehow am able to reach inside and tell you that you are only a thing. Things don’t make me. Things don’t care, love or last. I tell myself that if I could stop you I could stop the others. I have got discipline on my side because it’s in me. It is me. Some of them are surprisingly strong. Most of them seem perfectly “normal” and I can see why people say, “why not? For for it!” But as you know, it’s all or nothing for us. A little does not go a long way. It’s never enough is it?
I dream of a day when discipline is no longer needed. When you and the others just don’t matter. I will get there, I know that I can. I see you waiting. But I won’t let you in.